I Used to Be A Fixer

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Four years ago, I used to be a fixer. I got myself into a one-sided relationship and ended up with a guy who needed to be fixed.

I never gave myself a chance to sit back and question my motives. Instead of asking why I constantly felt obligated to pick up someone else’s broken pieces, I ran to pick them up without a second thought. Being selfless made me think that coming second didn’t matter because I was putting someone else’s worthiness first. And in the end, rank doesn’t matter, right?

I realized that the reason I was caught up in this relationship with this guy was because I believed I could save him.

As a selfless, thoughtful, and giving person, I thought that I would be “the one”— the one who will change him. I thought that I could turn a cheater into a loyal boyfriend. I thought that I was able to help him walk away from vices. I believed I could help him get over his commitment issues and aim for a stable future with us. I trusted that I would be able to get rid of the emotional baggage that he has been carrying for years.

He appeared to be a “perfect” boyfriend towards me. Knowing all the right things to say to comfort me, to had me wrapped around his fingers. I fell into his trap and I told myself if I were to leave him, it would be selfish, insensitive, and ruthless of me.

The sad news was, I constantly blamed myself when he didn’t change. Every time when he failed us, I thought it’s because I failed him. His hold on me became stronger; he kept me around knowing he had nothing to offer me in return.

I looked at my own flaws and tried to figure out where went wrong. It’s like I was paddling a boat that was stuck on a rock. The boat wasn’t going anywhere and I was tired. But I asked myself, “why do I feel the need to help someone else get their boat back in the water?”

I finally realized that there’s a truth I must acknowledge, a pivotal reality I had to force myself to accept. I was with someone who needs to be fixed because it is only through him that I could unravel this reality.

He taught me that it was okay to be selfish.

He was highlighting the work that was needed to be done within me. There was an urgent need for me to start taking care of and loving myself. I needed to stop myself from wanting to pick up other people’s broken pieces.

And so, fast forward to two years later, we broke up and I finally managed to get myself to accept the fact that a guy’s happiness was never my responsibility. I deserve someone who doesn’t need fixing, someone who is complete.

To all the girls out there who were/are in my shoes, the moment you realize you are not responsible for a guy’s issues, you will keep walking past his shattered pieces.

Because a guy who is worth loving won’t accept you leaning in to pick up his pieces. He knows that if you do, you’ll only hurt yourself.

I tell you, as I have told myself, to stop worrying about other people’s misery. Bring the focus back to yourself and attract someone who deserves you.

I know it’s a tough job to break our habits, but breaking this particular pattern will save us a lot of heartache in the future. Instead of saving them, we’ll be saving ourselves.


Written by: Jass (Student INK writer) ❤👽

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