I'm never going back to physical class!

 I'm never going back to physical class!

Wow, time really flies and here I am, in the first week of the final academic semester of my

degree life, before heading for an internship from January to April 2022. Meaning, I will not have

the opportunity to have physical class. Let me share my experience after 1 week of an online class

in my final academic semester. I’ve categorized my thoughts and feelings into happy things and

my obstacles. In fact, these are the pointers that I’ve shared with my online counselor during our

counseling session.

Happy things that happened in week 1

1. All 10 am class

Well, I have been suffering from insomnia. Hence, 10 am classes from Monday to Friday sound

like a great deal to me. In short, I am thankful for this timetable arrangement because I will not

need to force myself up for 8 am or 9 am classes.

2. Meeting new people

I started my course in January 2020 and classes have been conducted virtually since mid-March

2020. Besides, I’ve been taking classes with a fixed number of coursemates. Hence, there were

minimal to zero chances to meet new people.

Apparently, I’ve come across a change in my study plan for this semester. I am so grateful to

have the opportunity to meet and work with new people. Well, it’s too early to determine the

good and bad of meeting and working with new people, well you know, the fear of having free

riders in a group is real! But anyway, I’ll just keep things positive now. :D

3. Freedom

As mentioned above, I have virtual classes and am taking the same classes with certain course

mates. Well, cluelessly I have been running scut work for those course mates. From sending

unlimited deadline reminders, scheduling for group meetings, to creating online meeting links,

shared google docs and slides links, proofreading the entire report and slides while others just

ignore them, and many more of course. Shockingly, when something goes wrong, all the blame

falls on me.

Call me stupid, calculative, vulnerable, or anything but I really had enough. You wouldn’t believe

how stressed I was, I couldn’t find a way out to save myself. Hence, going for online

counseling. I am so thankful that I am able to change my study plan and do not need to deal with

them. The sense of freedom for the first week of class is real!

Obstacles faced during week 1

1. Embarrassing moments

I’m not sure about you, but I am a person that easily loses focus during class. I struggled with it a

lot, but it wasn’t a big deal as I could refer to the class recording at my own pace. So what’s so

embarrassing about it?

Well, it could be really embarrassing when the lecturer asks a question that requires every

student to answer in the chatbox or with the microphone on. Because I don’t know what to

answer when I don’t even know what the question is. The crazier thing is the whole class refused

to answer the question and the lecturer called out my name to answer, TWICE!!!

2. Insomnia

As mentioned above, I have insomnia. On normal nights, I fall asleep at 3 am, but when

insomnia hits me super bad, I can't fall asleep until 4:30 am or even 5 am. I tried all

non-medication remedies and methods, and sadly it didn't work. Unfortunately, I dare not take

any sleeping pills as I am worried that it will be my habit. So the solution is just to cope and live

with it.

3. Event stress + anger management

Apparently, our lecturer suggested we launch a charity project to replace a group assignment.

When the class was suggesting ideas to run the project, I got all stressed out. Most of the ideas

were irrelevant to the objective of the project, which is raising funds. I dare not object but just

suggest my ideas. In the end, the class has chosen to do a very simple project. Not sure if the

class prefers something easy to complete, or the majority of the class are just supporting their

friend, who suggested this idea.

I feel really stressed out about this project, knowing that this idea does not bring much impact

nor be able to raise many funds, when our target is to raise RM 12k within 3 months. Oh dear, I

dare not say anything as I fear creating conflict with anyone. But behind the scene, I was

shouting and stressing out myself. I was really angry at myself for not having the ability to attract

people to vote for my idea.

At one point, my sister voiced out to me regarding my anger management issue. She said she

understands why I am so unhappy and angry. However, it is really affecting her. She LAO

mentioned that there are times I am not aware of my speech and actions when I am angry.

Not to mention, I tend to forget what I’ve said or done after my anger release.

All the above is the summary of my week 1 in this new semester. I’ve shared all the above with my

counselor. We are happy to have happy moments. We are still searching for the root and solution

to cope and mitigate the obstacles.

With just 1 week of experience, I sincerely hope to solve my obstacles, especially the losing

focus and anger management. I’ve also realized many things that I would definitely miss after

graduation. I mean, I am never ever going back to have physical class anymore as this is my final

academic semester! My online classes started in March 2020, it will end in December 2021, if

everything goes well. The only thing I could do is just treasure and cherish every good and bad

moment I have. :)

-Written by Joyce-🤩🎈